


Out of Our Hands

by Kuroenamel



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor is Bad at Feelings (Hazbin Hotel), Alloromantic Alastor, Alternate Universe - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Fusion, Angel and Alastor are both idiots, Angst, Angst and Feels, Asexual Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Idiots in Love, Inspired by Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Loss of Memory, M/M, Memory Alteration, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Somehow everything works out in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29391132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroenamel/pseuds/Kuroenamel
Summary: (Inspired by the 2004 film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. You don't need to have seen the movie to read this!)After their devastating breakup, Angel undergoes a procedure to erase all memories of Alastor from his mind. When Alastor finds out, he undergoes the same procedure to completely forget the man that he loved. Who would have thought that they'd still manage to drift back towards each other again?
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely loved watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and it had some really great concepts. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend giving it a go. That being said, you absolutely do not have to have watched it in order to read this fic! :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dear residents of the Happy Hotel,
> 
> Angel Dust has had Alastor the Radio Demon erased from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him again.
> 
> Thank you.”

_Alastor woke up with a groan, turning away from the light shining through his bedroom window. He felt fuzzy and had the worst headache of his afterlife. What had he even done last night . . ?_

_He got up and checked his watch. Almost 6:30. He needed to get ready for work at the hotel. Groaning again, he forced himself out of bed and into some clean clothes._

_As he walked down the street towards the hotel, his headache only worsened. He couldn’t remember a single thing from last night --- he had checked out with Charlie, said goodbye to Vaggie, Niffty, Husker, and . . . woke up in his bed. Strange._

_Demons scurried out of his path as he hummed a cheerful tune in hopes of lightening the mood, but the damn headache remained. He was in no state to work, was he? He’d have to call in._

_Alastor tapped his microphone thrice._

_“Charlie?” Alastor asked into the staff. A few moments later he got a reply._

_“Al? What is it?”_

_“I’m afraid I’ll have to call in sick today, dear. You see, I haven’t been feeling well, and I don’t remember much of last night . . . I think I might have been drugged.”_

_“Drugged?” the concern in Charlie’s voice was apparent. “Are you sure? Well, okay, Al, if you’re really not feeling well.”_

_“Yes, my dear, I apologize. I’m sure I’ll be in tip-top shape by tomorrow, don’t you worry! And I’ll make sure that whomever is responsible for my migraine receives a fitting punishment.”_

_“Okay, Al," Charlie sounded hesitant. "But make sure you get some rest. Take care of yourself.”_

_Alastor vanished his microphone, resuming his jovial tune and continued his stroll. He led himself away from the hotel and instead picked a new route he was sure he hadn’t gone down before. Every so often, a demon would bolt at the sight of him, which brightened his spirits a little more but still did nothing to ease the pain._

_As Alastor went along, he noticed a taller demon standing at the corner of the street he approached. The demon caught sight of him but didn’t run away like most of the others._

Hm, _Alastor thought._ Interesting.

_“And what are you doing here all alone, my effeminate fellow?” he asked the taller demon. He eyed the other carefully, noticing six distinct limbs and four sets of glowing mismatched eyes._

_“Workin’ the joint,” the spider replied simply. “If ya ain’t got the cash, ya gotta dash, mista.”_

_Alastor was taken aback by the lack of manners the other demon had, not to mention the fact that he was a prostitute. He sighed._

_“I’ll be on my way then.”_

* * *

_Alastor spent most of the day walking around the neighborhood before deciding to pop by one of the nicer bars for a drink --- the one on 31st and 45th street. He didn’t normally make a practice of it, but he figured why not since it was his day off._

_Upon entering the bar multiple demons shied away from Alastor, some even leaving the bar altogether. He found a stool that wasn’t mostly covered in various bodily fluids and ordered himself a drink._

_Moments later the bar doors opened again. Alastor ignored the movement, opting to sip his drink instead until a tall figure sat directly in the seat next to him. He turned, ready to cast the offending demon with a predatory glare until he realized with a start that it was the man he had met before._

_“Why hello, toots,” he addressed Alastor. “We meet again”_

_“Yes we do. Have any luck with your . . . business?”_

_The demon chuckled. “Not one single taker. Why, you wanna change that?”_

_Alastor guffawed. “Goodness, no. But I wish you luck nonetheless.”_

_Alastor continued to sip his drink, mostly ignoring the man perched next to him. Every so often he would glance his way, and every time, the man would be staring right back at him, expectantly._

_“So, uh, I’m Angel Dust,” the other demon finally broke the silence._

_“Alastor.”_

_“Alastor . . . snazzy name. Mind if I call ya Al?”_

_Alastor felt a weird sense of deja vu. He shrugged at Angel who reflected his grin back at him._

_“Well,_ Al _, if ya ever lookin’ for a good time, I’d love to have ya. Ain’t got too many good lookin’ guys who also know how to put ‘emselves together.”_

_Alastor smiled grimly. “I’ll think about it.”_

_“Well, if ya ever make up yer mind, here’s my number,” Angel quickly jotted down his number onto a napkin, passing it to Alastor, who didn’t pick it up. With a wink, he was gone, leaving Alastor staring at the napkin in mild confusion._

* * *

“Why? _Why?"_ Alastor snarled to himself as he drove. “Why the hell . . . why the hell would you do that? _Why_?”

Alastor repeated this mantra to himself as he drove to the hotel.

The radio demon burst through the front door, stumbling up to the bar where Husk was currently dozing off. He jolted upright at the raucous.

“Al, what the fuck? It’s almost 10 pm. Are you _drunk_?”

Alastor sat himself at the bar, grabbing a liquor bottle from Husk. “Why would he do that to me . . ?” he whispered to himself.

“Who the hell are you talking about?”

“ . . . Angel Dust.”

Husk’s eyes widened and he turned away from the radio demon in favor of pouring himself a drink.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re on about, Al.”

“I-I _called_ him, and he didn’t pick up. I try again, and he’s changed his number. I stop by his apartment, and the woman at the front desk says I can’t see him anymore. What did I _do_ ?” he was quickly working himself up into a full blown meltdown and Husk could see it from a mile away. “I even tried stopping by here a few days ago before he moved and he acted like he didn’t even _know_ me.”

“Okay, calm down, calm down. Here, I think I might know what’s going on,” Husk reached behind the bar somewhere and pulled out a small orange card. He apprehensively held it out to the radio demon who desperately took it.

His eyes scanned the contents of the card, widening as it clicked.

_“Dear residents of the Happy Hotel,_

**_Angel Dust_ ** _has had_ **_Alastor the Radio Demon_ ** _erased from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him again._

_Thank you.”_

“What . . . what the hell is this?”

“What do you think? He erased ya from his mind, end of story.”

“That can’t be real . . .”

“Sure is. Almost considered getting it done myself once. Glad I talked myself outta that one. In my opinion, trauma’s best left as something that makes ya stronger, not something yer meant to forget.”

Alastor glared at his friend. “What happened between us was not _traumatic_.”

Husk shrugged. “Why else would you wanna get someone erased from your mind?”

Why, indeed? He studied the card in his trembling hands, feeling a mixture of confusion and hurt. The company’s name was printed in bold font on the bottom corner. He recognized the address --- it was local. Maybe he’d get some answers after all.

* * *

Alastor stumbled through the front doors of the building the next day. It was tall and didn’t stand out but Alastor was surprised he had never noticed it before.

The receptionist was on the phone. She held the receiver away from her mouth and asked, “Can I help you?”

“Er, yes, I have an appointment.”

“Ah, doctor Garcia. Have a seat and he’ll be with you shortly. Oh, and you need to fill out this form --- there’s a pen right over there,” Alastor took the pen and clipboard and sat down. There were three other people in the waiting room, two of them carrying boxes and bags of random junk. One woman even had a fishbowl.

Before he could question it any further, a man approached him and motioned for him to come to the back room.

“You must be Alastor,” the doctor smiled warmly at him. “Not every day we get someone _famous_ here. I’m doctor Adam Garcia.”

Dr. Garcia sat him down across from his desk, looking over some paperwork.

“Now, mind telling me a little bit about what you’re here for?”

Alastor fidgeted. “Well, I’d like you to give me a little information about _this_ ,” Alastor offered the card to the doctor.

“Ah, I apologize but you shouldn’t have seen that. Of course, some families will want to show you anyway, but there’s really nothing we can do about that . . .”

“This is a hoax, right?” Alastor scoffed. “Some sort of sick joke you do to mess with people’s minds?”

“I can assure you it’s not a joke, sir,” Garcia said. “Here, we provide services for those who would . . . rather not remember a certain person or event. Our work helps patients work through trauma, get over a stressful breakup, loss, and much more. I hope you understand.”

Alastor felt something inside himself shrivel. So it was true --- this was actually happening.

“I want you to know that you can never approach, what is it . . . _Angel Dust_ about the nature of your past relationship, nor should you attempt to rekindle anything. In situations like these it’s best to stay clear altogether.”

“I-I can’t _do_ that,” Alastor knew he sounded desperate but he didn’t care. “Do you have any idea what this is like? Does he not remember anything about me, anything at all?! Do I mean _nothing_ to him now?”

The doctor gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’m afraid not. But you have to understand that whatever that man wanted erased, it was probably for the greater good.”

Greater good. _Greater good?_ There was no greater good in this situation. Apparently while Angel had decided to live a blissful, ignorant life, he’d left Alastor behind to rot in the lost memories of their tumultuous relationship alone.

Was there really nothing left of him in the spider’s mind? Could everything be over with and gone, just like that? All the pain, joy, excitement, _passion_?

Alastor stood to leave. “Thank you for your time,” he mumbled. Garcia only gave him a knowing look as he walked out.

* * *

“I seriously can’t believe he’d do something like that,” Alastor complained to his friend. Husk only rolled his eyes at him.

“Well, at least ya got the answers ya wanted, right?”

“Oh Husker,” Alastor glared at the cat. “Not nearly enough.”

“So whaddaya gonna do about it?” Husk threw up his arms. “Not like you can waltz up to ‘im and start professin’ your undying love.”

“Oh, that’s exactly what I should do!”

“I- _no!_ The doctor already told ya, that’s not gonna work. You’re just gonna give him more pain than he needs. Don’t confuse the kid.”

“You don’t understand. Angel might have been able to just pick up and abandon our past and memories together but what about me? Did he even think for once about how _I_ would feel with him acting like he doesn’t even know who I am?!”

“That’s because he _doesn’t_ know who you are. So what are ya gonna do?”

Alastor thought for a moment. “I want the procedure.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And dear god was he beautiful. He was the kind of person that could take your breath away by simply casting you his gaze. I never met anyone quite like it . . .”

“I’m sorry doctor, we couldn’t stop him!” the receptionist shouted as Alastor made his way through the line of guards towards Dr. Garcia’s office.

“It’s alright, let him through,” Garcia said.

“But  _ sir _ there are people waiting!”

“That’s quite alright. Send him in.”

The receptionist let Alastor through and he hesitantly sat down.

“Now, would you like to tell me about what’s going on, Alastor?”

“I want the procedure,” Alastor stated.

Garcia eyed him for a while before saying, “Are you sure about that? I’m sure you know it’s a very serious undertaking and not something you should take lightly.”

“I’m not taking it lightly,” Alastor said. “I’ve thought about it, I’ve made my decision, and I want it done. I understand that Angel may have felt that he could move on without me, but where does that leave me? I don’t have any choice, do I? If I do nothing, I’ll just be forced to go through something meaningless --- what good are memories if the person who’s supposed to be sharing them with you is Satan-knows-where without a clue that you even exist?”

Garcia took a moment to take in what Alastor was saying while the radio demon clenched his hands together. He was clearly in distress, as was evident by his disheveled hair, the dark grey bags under his eyes, and choppy radio static that seemed to follow him everywhere now.

“Alright, we’ll get you started.”

* * *

Alastor paced around his room nervously.

_ “The first thing you’ll need to do is collect anything and everything that is connected to Angel Dust in some way. Any clothing, personal belongings, journal entries, etc. Once you’ve done that, bring them back here and we can go over the logistics of your treatment.” _

The first place he had checked had been the hotel, but after Angel moved, little evidence had been left that he had stayed there in the first place. So he went back home.

Alastor hadn’t even realized how much of Angel occupied his space until he was forced to collect it. Scattered about his room were various pieces of clothing, ranging from lingerie to socks, polaroid photos only Angel had taken since Alastor was even worse with a camera than he was with a phone, and little post-it notes he had exchanged with Angel when they first started dating. He hadn’t noticed how much his room smelled like Angel even in his absence, and how much that smell had invaded his senses and became his new normal. What would he do when it disappeared? Ah, well . . . he guessed it didn’t matter after all.

Alastor boxed up everything he could find. He had even found a few older sketches of Angel he had done, some in color but most of them black and white in charcoal. He put those at the bottom.

Once he felt he had packed up everything, he set the box on his bed, just staring at it. Was it really possible to put someone in a box? If he thought about it, the better part of their relationship had been him trying to put Angel in a box, but he tried not to think about that now.

Was it really that easy?

* * *

“Alright, Alastor. We’re going to test a few of your vitals before moving on, just to ensure that no complications will arise during the process.”

“So how will it work?” Alastor asked.

“Well, we’ll start out here at the office. Together, we’ll go through some memories that you’ve had with Angel. We’re going to need as many as you can remember so that we can efficiently target and eliminate them. After that, you’ll be sent home, where the actual procedure will take place and by morning, you’ll wake up like nothing ever happened.”

“I see . . . is there any risk of brain damage?”

Garcia chuckled. “Well, technically speaking, the procedure  _ is _ brain damage. But really, it’s on par with a heavy night of drinking. Nothing you should worry about.”

Alastor nodded. He thought about the next morning --- waking up like Angel never existed to him. A sense of dread crept into his body. Was this how Angel had felt? Did Angel even regret it at all?

Alastor was led back into the office. Garcia pulled out a tape recorder and hit  _ record _ .

“Okay, Alastor. Tell me about Angel Dust. What was he like? What was your relationship like?”

Alastor’s smile softened. “Well, when I first met him, he was a strange thing. I didn’t really understand him at first, to be honest. I don’t think anyone could. But as I got to know him, I got to know his beauty,” tears began to appear in his eyes and he pushed them back down. “And dear god was he beautiful. He was the kind of person that could take your breath away by simply casting you his gaze. I never met anyone quite like it . . .”

* * *

Alastor was led into a dimly lit room with a projector. He was seated in a medical chair and a large piece of machinery that resembled a helmet was placed around his head. Garcia smiled at him.

“Alastor, this is Dr. Lewis. He’ll be taking the process on from here,” Alastor nodded. Garcia left the room after giving the other doctor a nod.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Alastor,” Dr. Lewis presented the box of items Alastor had brought in. “Here’s how this is going to work: one by one, we will present the objects you have collected for us here. The machine above your head will take in and develop the prompted memories and display them onto the projected screen. By reliving these memories, we can get a better sense of what we’re looking for. As we go on, we’ll be monitoring your brain activity to make sure everything goes smoothly. Does that make sense?”

Alastor tightened his grin and nodded. It wasn’t as if anything about this was  _ scary _ , per se --- if anything there was just a little lingering fear of what would happen when he woke up the next morning.

“Great. We’ll start with this,” Lewis rolled a metal tray to sit in front of Alastor and placed a red velvet ribbon on it. Immediately, Alastor’s eyes dilated in recognition.

“This one’s actually a pretty funny story. We-”

“I don’t need you to elaborate. Just concentrate on the memory and keep your head still please.”

Alastor watched the projector hum to life and display a fuzzy screen. Suddenly, he could see his own hands, holding that ribbon, and presenting it to Angel from his own perspective before him. Oh, Angel . . .

_ “I have something new for us to try, dear,” _ Alastor had said. Angel giggled and extended a set of his arms.

_ “You know I’m always up for a good challenge Al,” _

He wasn’t even watching the doctor’s reaction to this memory --- all he could focus on was Angel, laughing and  _ happy _ with Alastor. He delighted in being tied up by him, and Alastor delighted in doing it, Angel’s happiness making it even better. He’d enjoy watching that sly face light up with pure passion and lord, was it divine. His heart ached as he craved for that feeling again, even if only once more to feel Angel’s energy and just know that he would never leave him. But that was what led to their downfall, wasn’t it?

The memory finished and Alastor exhaled, allowing a single tear to flow down his face. The ache in his heart worsened.

Lewis removed the ribbon while Alastor’s eyes followed it and instead replaced it with a pair of small knitted tubes. To anyone else, they might have looked strange, but Alastor knew immediately what they were. He smiled and the ache grew even more.

* * *

It took most of the day to get through all the memories he had of Angel Dust but eventually the doctor announced that they were done and Alastor was ushered out of the projecting room.

Garcia met him in his office. “So, how’d it go?” he asked.

“Painful.”

“Well, no surprise there. Just think, by tomorrow morning, you won’t be feeling any more pain at all.”

No more pain . . . that was a good thing, wasn’t it? Alastor would never mention it but part of him was  _ scared _ . Not for erasing the pain but the happiness that they’d shared over time. And the thought that tomorrow morning he wouldn’t even remember the name of the man he had loved with all of his heart, much less that he had been in love at all. Was it really that simple? Alastor picked at his nails.

“We’re going to send you home and Dr. Lewis will be by later to finish the last step of the procedure. He’s going to hook you up to a machine similar to the one you had today. You’ll be unconscious but you will relive each of your memories one by one as they’re erased. I know it can be difficult but they’ll be gone tomorrow,” Garcia smiled. “Dr. Lewis will be watching over your brain activity the whole time to ensure that nothing happens that shouldn’t.”

“And what  _ could _ happen, exactly?”

Garcia gave a grim smile. “Well the most that could happen is that your brain goes a little off track. This happens sometimes with patients, especially the ones whose subconscious would like to hold onto specific memories. We need you to stay on track, but there’s not much your subconscious can do about that, which is why we have Dr. Lewis present to make sure you stay focused.”

Alastor nodded. “Alright, I understand.”

“Good,” Garcia stood and clapped a hand on Alastor’s shoulder, who recoiled slightly from the touch. “Look on the bright side, tomorrow you’ll wake up pain-free!”

Pain-free, huh?

* * *

At around 6:30 pm, Alastor heard a knock at the door of his apartment. Dr. Lewis greeted him with a large case.

“I know it’s early, but we need as much time as possible to complete the procedure. Don’t worry though, you’ll be nice and drugged, so you won’t have to worry about not being able to fall asleep.”

“Ah . . . so I’m going to be fatigued tomorrow, I assume?”

Lewis began setting up the equipment. “Yeah, but fatigued will be the worst of it. You might have a bit of a headache as well but it shouldn’t get too bad. We also need you to understand that along with not being able to remember anything about this particular person, you also won’t remember anything about our company. You might hear of it later on, but as far as you’ll know, you’ve never even been inside the building.”

Alastor nodded. Something felt off, but he wasn’t quite sure what it was.

“So, are you ready?”

Alastor took a deep breath. “Yes . . . I think I am.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn’t scream for help, couldn’t force himself to wake up, couldn’t change his brain patterns, unless . . .
> 
> “Unless ya hide me somewhere they won’t be able to find,”

Alastor felt strange, like he had just suddenly landed somewhere foreign yet all so familiar.

He remembered Dr. Lewis hooking him up to an IV and placing the helmet around his head after hooking up his own equipment. Alastor had been instructed to lay on his own bed on his back, and he had been thankful for the drugs as he wouldn’t have been able to sleep otherwise.

His surroundings were dark and while he could tell he was in a specific location he couldn’t make out any familiar landmarks or people. He felt like he was dreaming.

Suddenly the world around him shifted and he was transported back into his own apartment . . . but something was different.

“Al!” Angel yelled, running through the front door. Alastor’s stomach dropped at the sight of him.

“Oh, Angel, I’ve missed you so much,” Alastor hugged the spider demon, but it didn’t feel entirely real. He must be reliving a memory.

“Al, m’sorry,” Angel slurred. Oh. It was  _ this _ memory. The last time he had seen Angel. “I crashed th’car, m’sorry.”

“You crashed my car?” Alastor found himself repeating. He assumed he wouldn’t be able to alter the outcome of his memory.

“Yeah, I’m really sorry Al. S’just a dent though, just a dent . . .”

Alastor pinched the bridge of his nose. “You crashed my car . . .”

“I’m sorry!” Angel drunkenly yelled. “What else do you want me to do?”

“I want you to not get drunk and crash my fucking car, Angel!”

Angel paused. He rarely heard Alastor curse and it only came out in great bouts of anger or passion.

“You’re just mad,” Angel pointed a shaky finger at Alastor. “That I fucked someone tonight.”

“You  _ what? _ ”

“Oh come on, Al, don’t act like you didn’t suspect something.”

Alastor shook his head in disbelief. “ _ No, _ I didn’t suspect anything because I believed my  _ beau _ would sleep with another man! I suppose I was just being foolish though, hm?”

“You were,” Angel stared through half-lidded eyes at Alastor. “Yer so fuckin’  _ foolish _ .”

“Don’t put the blame on me, Angel. It’s not my fault that my partner’s a  _ slut _ .”

Angel’s eyes widened. “The fuck did you just call me, asshole?”

“Mon Ange, I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it, but-”

“No,” Angel put his hands up and stood. “Ya know what? I don’t wanna fuckin’ hear it, Al. You’ve put up with a lotta my shit and I’m thankful for that but  _ jesus _ you’re clingy. And so damn controlling. You get it in yer head that something belongs to you and then go outta your damn way to make sure that something doesn’t do anything you wouldn’t approve of. Yeah, I’m a slut, Al, but I have my fucking dignity! I thought you were fine with me strippin’ and cammin’.”

“Of course I am, but not you  _ hookin’ _ , cher.”

“That wasn’t hookin’, Al that was  _ sex _ . There’s a difference. That was pent up sex because my  _ boyfriend _ doesn’t even wanna touch me! Fuck, you treat me like I’m some disgusting thing and I’m fucking sick of it.”

“Angel, I can’t control that and you know it. I  _ love _ you, and you’re beautiful to me, cher.”

“You know what? I don’t wanna hear it. Get t’fuck out of my face with that shit before I break somethin’.”

“Oh, you mean something worse than my car?”

“I’m gonna break your fuckin’ face if ya don’t shut the fuck up, Al.”

Alastor groaned as Angel stomped out of the room. He followed after him when he heard the sound of rustling objects for fear that Angel was reaching for his gun, but . . .

“What are you doing?”

“Packing my shit. I’m moving outta here, an’ I’m moving outta the hotel.”

“ _ Angel- _ ”

Angel held up a hand. “Don’t wanna hear it. Here, take yer fuckin’ keys because I won’t be needing those either.”

“Angel, please just think about this, cher . . .  _ Mon Ange _ , please!”

But it was too late and Angel had already walked out the door, leaving Alastor a broken mess.

He watched Angel go before snapping out of the memory. After that, Angel had changed his number, his address, but never once changed his mind.

Alastor cried to himself, body aching at just how much he missed Angel. He regretted immensely what he had said to him, not even just from that night, and wondered if anything would have changed if he just thought before he spoke.

His surroundings changed again and this time he was in the hotel lobby. Husk was behind the bar, Charlie, Vaggie, and Niffty were nowhere to be seen, but Angel was perched on his lap while he reclined in his wingback chair.

“Al, it’s Valentine’s Day so I got ya something special. Er, rather I  _ made _ it, but I hope ya like it all the same.”

“Angel, anything you give to me I’ll cherish, you know that.”

Angel giggled and pulled out a small set of poorly knitted tubes. Each tube was split into a Y shape. Alastor stared at them in confusion before Angel took charge and rolled them over his antlers, grinning from ear to ear.

“For your antlers, Al. It’s cold as shit outside, and I’ve always wanted to make ya somethin’. Plus they look hella cute on you. I know I’m absolute shit at knittin’ but Niffty and Charlie tried to teach me, so twas the least I could do for you three, hehe.”

Alastor sat for a moment with the antler cozies on before his grin softened into something more dorky and he fixed Angel with a look of pure adoration. “They’re perfect, Mon Ange.”

Angel clapped his hands together like a giddy schoolgirl and wiggled on his lap.

“Glad ya like them! Because if ya didn’t, I was about to get real mad.”

Alastor laughed until he heard the sound of a phone ringing, loud yet distant, as if it were in another room.

“Is that your phone?” he didn’t remember this in the memory. 

Angel looked timid and it was eerie, especially since this definitely hadn’t happened.

“No,” Angel said. “I don’t know where that’s coming from.”

Suddenly he heard a voice in the same manner --- loud but distant,  _ Hey, Frank? No, I’m at work. Doing one on the radio demon of all people, can you believe that? He’s getting someone removed. _ It was Dr, Lewis. _ Yeah, I know, right? Man, you wouldn't believe this but it’s Angel Dust! Yeah, I didn’t know they were dating either. I used to be one of his regulars back before he went off the market, and boy, he had one of the tightest holes out of all of those whores. _

Alastor cringed, and watched Angel’s face for a reaction, only to find it blank, as if frozen in time.

_ I’ll be honest, man, I have no idea why anyone would wanna get a piece of ass like that erased from their noggin, but hey, just means one less competitor, am I right? Look, Frank, I’ma have to call you back --- the radio demon’s stirring in his sleep again. _

Did he even know that Alastor could hear him? Did he care? Alastor supposed that he wasn’t supposed to remember any of this the next day, but  _ still _ .

Alastor turned back to Angel only to find him gone. He wasn’t in the hotel anymore, either --- now he was in the woods.

It appeared to be fall, that perfect time of year when the leaves had turned brown and red but hadn’t fallen off just quite yet. Ah yes, he remembered this easily.

Angel came trotting up behind him, rifle in hand.

“So happy you decided to take me hunting with ya, Al,” he winked.

“As am I, that I can share one of my passions with you.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit weird though that we’re hunting deer? Like, aren’t  _ you _ supposed to be a deer?”

Alastor shrugged. “The way I see it, it’s no different from humans hunting humans. Besides, I’ve never been keen on preying upon creatures lower down the food chain than I --- it just doesn’t hold as much sentiment to me.”

“I guess that makes sense. D’you think I’ll be able to catch anything though?”

“Depending on who you ask, hunting is less about the catch and more about the hunt. Some hunt for sport, some hunt for food. Personally, I value the hunt far more.”

After hiking a bit more, Angel got tired and sat down on a fallen tree. “I’m really not the active type,” he admitted. “Even with this body.”

“That’s just fine, cher. I’m just happy you decided to come along.”

Angel grinned at him --- one of those smiles that reached his eyes and lit up his entire face. It made Alastor’s soul swell and his mind race, even more so since knowing that those smiles would soon run out.

“I wish I could have a million more moments like this with ya, cher,” Alastor said, deterring from the script of the memory. This time, Angel replied.

“You have no idea how nice that sounds.”

Alastor’s smile dropped for a moment. When he thought about it, this would probably be the last time he’d ever see Angel again. Even if it wasn’t really him, he may as well be honest.

“Angel . . . I want you to know that I’m sorry. I did and said a lot of things that I didn’t mean, and you didn’t deserve one bit of it. I wish I could take that back for you, my love. Lord, I wish I could, but I know now that I  _ can’t _ , and that’s what’s eating me up. Maybe if I’d known that then, I would’ve treated you differently, but it’s done now and there’s nothing I can do.”

Angel nodded. “I know, Al. And you know that somewhere inside me I knew that then too.”

Alastor began to cry again. He shifted his face away from Angel in shame. “ _ I took you for granted, _ ” he said. “Damnit, I was never meant to find love, was I? Before you, I never even thought something like that existed. You opened my eyes, Angel Dust, and even now that you’re gone, they won’t close.”

Angel sighed and leaned towards Alastor. He brought their foreheads together so that neither one of them had to look at each other yet they were still able to hold each other.

“I don’t wanna lose you,” Alastor said. “And I don’t wanna let you go.”

Angel chuckled. “It’s a bit late for that now, hon.”

Alastor sat upright. “Is it?”

“Uh, yeah, it is. You’re already unconscious, Al. They’re yankin’ our memories as we speak, not much you can do about that.”

“Surely there has to be  _ some _ way I can get their attention,” Alastor stood up and stared at the sky. It was a distorted shade of blue and grey that made Alastor sick. “ _ Hey! _ ” he yelled. “Is anyone there?! Dr. Lewis?!”

No reply.

“Al, I don’t think that’s gonna work. Really, there’s not much you can do from here.”

Alastor’s mind raced back and forth until he realized that Angel was right. There was absolutely no way he could get Lewis’ attention from where he was at. He couldn’t scream for help, couldn’t force himself to wake up, couldn’t change his brain patterns, unless . . .

“Unless ya hide me somewhere they won’t be able to find,” Angel finished.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Al, you were my world. It didn’t matter if I had the fame, money, whateva’. All I wanted was you, but ya couldn’t give that to me. The rest of the world was meaningless if it didn’t have you in it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains depictions of someone being hanged. Please proceed with caution.

“Where could I possibly hide you, Angel?”

Angel shrugged. “Hide me in anotha’ memory. One that has nothing to do with me --- one that’s  _ buried _ . If they’re looking for memories of me, they won’t think to look somewhere unrelated, don’tcha think?”

“But . . . which memory?”

Angel rolled his eyes. “Like I said, it’s gotta be someplace buried. Otha’wise they might find me.”

“I don’t have any buried memories.”

“‘Course ya do, Al. I’m guessin’ it’s gotta be someplace from when you were alive. Let’s see, was ya beaten as a child or somethin’ like that?”

“Yes, but that’s not exactly buried . . .” Alastor paced around Angel. Finally his ears straightened and his eyes lit up. “I know!”

Angel opened his mouth to ask but suddenly they were transported to the inside of a small barn. Alastor’s body language immediately shifted into something much more uncomfortable and wary and Angel placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Al, where are we?”

“At the barn,” Alastor answered. “This is where my mother died when I was young.”

Angel hummed. “You told me ya mom died but you never told me how, huh?”

“I guess you’ll see,” he said with a sigh.

There was a commotion outside and suddenly Alastor was pulling Angel away by the wrist and behind a stack of hay. He grabbed a sheet and pulled it over them. He was visibly shaking from head to toe, and Angel, a product of his subconscious, wanted to help him in some way.

The barn door was thrown open and three large men came clambering in.

“Where are you, boy?” one of them shouted into the barn.

“We know you’re in here,” another said. “You can’t hide from us, you little shit.”

Alastor flinched at the voices, his grip on Angel’s wrist tightening.

“Al-”

Alastor clapped a hand over Angel’s mouth. “Be very quiet,” he whispered. Angel nodded under the sheet and peeked through to watch what was happening.

A wail ripped through the air and made both demons flinch, Alastor moreso. Angel watched as one of the men dragged in the body of an older woman, holding her by her upper arm.

“I know you’re watching us, boy,” the man snarled. “So come out, come out wherever you are, and we won’t hurt yer mom, here. If not,” he undid his belt. “She’ll be hanging from the ceiling before ya know it.”

“Oh my god,” Angel whispered. “Why’d they do this, Al?”

“Punishment,” Alastor said.

“We’re giving you to the count of five to turn yourself in, ya filthy brat,” Alastor’s mother continued to scream, pleading for Alastor to do something, just to turn himself in so no one would get hurt, but Alastor couldn’t bring himself to. He was stuck between his mother’s life and his own freedom, and ultimately, he would make a decision that he’d regret for the rest of his existence.

“One . . . two . . . three. . . four,” the man counted. Alastor did nothing --- he could only shake in Angel’s arms and cry. “Five!”

Angel watched in horror as the man wrapped his belt around the woman’s neck. She kicked and screamed and cried as much as she could before the loop was hooked up to the notch in the ceiling.

“Don’t forget that this is what you deserve,  _ brat _ ,” and with that, they released Alastor’s mother, leaving her hanging from the ceiling. She kicked and clawed at the thick belt around her neck but nothing she did worked and moments later, he body went limp and Alastor’s blood ran cold. He cried softly into Angel’s shoulder.

“Should we go grab ‘im?” someone said.

“Nah. Let the little shit think about what he did and we’ll grab him come nightfall.”

Angel and Alastor listened to the sound of retreating footsteps. As soon as they were out of sight Angel uncovered the sheet and gave Alastor some room. “Al . . . baby, I’m so sorry.”

Alastor nodded and continued to cry. Angel had never seen him like this and he figured it wouldn’t matter much anyway since it wasn’t  _ actually _ Angel, but it was embarrassing nonetheless.

“S’okay. It’s all in the past now, I suppose.”

Alastor’s mother’s body was still hanging from the ceiling but both demons had their backs turned to it. 

“Maybe if we just stay here a little longer, they won’t find us,” Angel said.

“The men or the doctors?”

“Both,” Angel shrugged. “By the way, what did those men want with ya?”

Alastor gave Angel a sorry look. “I killed his niece.”

“The one who hanged yer mom?” Alastor nodded. Angel mouthed the word  _ oh _ and ran his hands up and down Alastor’s shoulder.

“I killed other villagers too,” Alastor continued. “Most of ‘em didn’t deserve it. But I ate some of his niece.”

“Which parts of her?” Angel asked absentmindedly.

“Her kidney an’ her liver.”

“Ew,” Angel giggled. “I’ve always hated liver. Don’t like the texture.”

Alastor’s smile appeared back on his face. “Yeah, it really isn’t for everyone --- it’s an acquired taste.”

“That I have yet to acquire,” Angel corrected.

There was a loud sound like an explosion in the distance. Alastor quirked a brow. “That wasn’t there before. They must be looking for us.”

“Must be,” Angel mused. “Think we’re safe here?”

“I hope so,” Alastor said. “But if we’re being honest, cher, I don’t think they’re gonna stop until every last bit of you is gone. You heard how that man sounded, he  _ likes _ ya. He  _ wants _ you erased from my mind.”

“Yeah, that might be true. Least we’re together at the end though.”

“Exactly,” Alastor said. “There was so much I didn’t tell you, Mon Ange. I wanted to tell ya, though. But I couldn’t. Angel, I wanted to give ya the world if only ya wanted it.”

“That’s not true,” Angel stopped him. “Al, you  _ were _ my world. It didn’t matter if I had the fame, money, whateva’. All I wanted was you, but ya couldn’t give that to me. The rest of the world was meaningless if it didn’t have you in it.”

Alastor’s heart panged. “No, you’re right, Angel. I coulda done better. Maybe if I told you I loved you more or maybe if I slept with ya, or was less controlling . . .”

Angel shook his head. “Nah --- there’s no way in hell we’re spending the rest of our time together fightin’ like this. Just stay with me here before neither of us know who each other are anymore.”

There was another explosion, this time much closer and louder. The walls of the barn started to decay and crumble around them.

“It’s gonna happen soon, isn’t it?”

Alastor raised his voice to be heard over the creaking of the wood. “I’m ‘fraid so, cher. Angel, I love you, I want you to know that.”

Angel began to cry as Alastor sobbed. “I love ya too, Al. So much.”

Alastor took his beau’s face in his hands and brought them closer. “I want to give you my world, Angel Dust, and that’s what I’m doing. You have  _ always _ been my world, my love, my life. I don’t know how I’m going to live without you.”

“You’ll find a way,” Angel grinned. He leaned in, even closer. “Al, I wanna tell you somethin’,” Alastor paused, looking him straight in the eye as he said, “Meet me at the bar on 31st and 45th.”

And with that, Angel kissed Alastor --- a final and passionate kiss as the walls of their world fell down around them, destroying the last of their memories and covering years and years of their relationship in a thick, heavy fog.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor sighed. “We really are cursed, aren’t we?”
> 
> “‘Course we are,” Angel chuckled. “Honestly, if we weren’t, I’d be worried.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got this last one uploaded, sorry for the wait!

Alastor woke up with a groan, turning away from the light shining through his bedroom window. He felt fuzzy and had the worst headache of his afterlife. What had he even done last night . . ?

He got up and checked his watch. Almost 6:30. He needed to get ready for work at the hotel. Groaning again, he forced himself out of bed and into some clean clothes.

As he walked down the street towards the hotel, his headache only worsened. He couldn’t remember a single thing from last night --- he had checked out with Charlie, said goodbye to Vaggie, Niffty, Husker, and . . . woke up in his bed. Strange.

Demons scurried out of his path as he hummed a cheerful tune in hopes of lightening the mood, but the damn headache remained. He was in no state to work, was he? He’d have to call in.

Alastor tapped his microphone thrice. 

“Charlie?” Alastor asked into the staff. A few moments later he got a reply.

“Al? What is it?”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to call in sick today, dear. You see, I haven’t been feeling well, and I don’t remember much of last night . . . I think I might have been drugged.”

“Drugged?” the concern in Charlie’s voice was apparent. “Are you sure? Well, okay, Al, if you’re really not feeling well.”

“Yes, my dear, I apologize. I’m sure I’ll be in tip-top shape by tomorrow, don’t you worry! And I’ll make sure that whomever is responsible for my migraine receives a fitting punishment.”

“Okay, Al," Charlie sounded hesitant. "But make sure you get some rest. Take care of yourself.”

Alastor vanished his microphone, resuming his jovial tune and continued his stroll. He led himself away from the hotel and instead picked a new route he was sure he hadn’t gone down before. Every so often, a demon would bolt at the sight of him, which brightened his spirits a little more but still did nothing to ease the pain.

As Alastor went along, he noticed a taller demon standing at the corner of the street he approached. The demon caught sight of him but didn’t run away like most of the others.

Hm, Alastor thought. Interesting.

“And what are you doing here all alone, my effeminate fellow?” he asked the taller demon. He eyed the other carefully, noticing six distinct limbs and four sets of glowing mismatched eyes.

“Workin’ the joint,” the spider replied simply. “If ya ain’t got the cash, ya gotta dash, mista.”

Alastor was taken aback by the lack of manners the other demon had, not to mention the fact that he was a prostitute. He sighed.

“I’ll be on my way then.”

* * *

Alastor spent most of the day walking around the neighborhood before deciding to pop by one of the nicer bars for a drink --- the one on 31st and 45th street. He didn’t normally make a practice of it, but he figured why not since it was his day off.

Upon entering the bar multiple demons shied away from Alastor, some even leaving the bar altogether. He found a stool that wasn’t mostly covered in various bodily fluids and ordered himself a drink.

Moments later the bar doors opened again. Alastor ignored the movement, opting to sip his drink instead until a tall figure sat directly in the seat next to him. He turned, ready to cast the offending demon with a predatory glare until he realized with a start that it was the man he had met before.

“Why hello, toots,” he addressed Alastor. “We meet again”

“Yes we do. Have any luck with your . . . business?”

The demon chuckled. “Not one single taker. Why, you wanna change that?”

Alastor guffawed. “Goodness, no. But I wish you luck nonetheless.”

Alastor continued to sip his drink, mostly ignoring the man perched next to him. Every so often he would glance his way, and every time, the man would be staring right back at him, expectantly.

“So, uh, I’m Angel Dust,” the other demon finally broke the silence.

“Alastor.”

“Alastor . . . snazzy name. Mind if I call ya Al?”

Alastor felt a weird sense of deja vu. He shrugged at Angel who reflected his grin back at him.

“Well, Al , if ya ever lookin’ for a good time, I’d love to have ya. Ain’t got too many good lookin’ guys who also know how to put ‘emselves together.”

Alastor smiled grimly. “I’ll think about it.”

“Well, if ya ever make up yer mind, here’s my number,” Angel quickly jotted down his number onto a napkin, passing it to Alastor, who didn’t pick it up. With a wink, he was gone, leaving Alastor staring at the napkin in mild confusion.

* * *

He didn’t know why but he had the urge to call Angel as soon as he got back. He paced around his telephone for a good while before finally deciding to swallow his pride. He glared at his shaky hands as he typed the number as if they had betrayed them, hitting  _ call _ before he could change his mind.

The line rang for a few moments until that familiar voice picked up.

“Was wonderin’ when you’d call, hot stuff,” Angel said.

Alastor groaned, almost playfully. “I was debating it.”

“Well, ya made the right choice, Smiles.”

It was silent for a moment until Alastor spoke. “So . . . what do you want to talk about?” his face grew hot with embarrassment and he found himself fixing his hair as if Angel could see him on the other end.

Angel laughed loudly on the other end. “You were the one who called me, Al!”

Alastor chuckled in response. “I suppose so.”

“Y’know, I usually don’t give my numbers out to clients.”

“I’m not a client.”

“No, but we definitely aren’t friends. If ya think ya can get a free lay just ‘cause I handed you my digits, yer fuckin’ wrong.”

“Fair enough, but I can assure you, I have no interest in that.”

A pause. “You some kinda prude or somethin’?”

“No, no, nothing like that.”

“Ya ace?”

“Excuse me?”

Alastor could hear shuffling on the other end. He pictured Angel nervously pacing around his own room just as Alastor had, wearing plush pink pajamas as he knew he would, glancing nervously at the phone as if Alastor could see him. He could somehow picture the spider’s room so clearly.

“Wanna come over?” Angel broke the silence. “We could hang out, maybe stay in for a drink.”

Alastor hesitated.

“None of that flirty shit, I promise.”

“Oh alright,” Alastor decided. “Shall I head over right now, dear?”

“That’d be swell,” he could hear the grin in Angel’s voice.

Alastor hung up and gathered his belongings. He grabbed a fresh change of clothes, a toothbrush, an unopened bottle of red wine, and a few scones he hadn’t even remembered making.

* * *

“Al, you’se gotta stay the night,” Angel slurred. One hand was draped lazily across the back of the couch, just barely brushing up against his neck while the others laid haphazardly across his own body. “Promise I won’ trick ya into doing anythin’.”

“I’m afraid I can’t, dear.”

Angel leaned closer towards the radio demon, unabashedly staring at him from underneath his eyelashes. He moved a free hand to rest on Alastor’s chest.

“Stay the night,” he whispered. “Please, please, Al, stay the night. Pretty please?” he was practically laying on Alastor now, whispering slurred words into his ear; it made his hair stand on end.

“Fine, fine, Angel. I’ll stay the night. God, what have you gotten me into?”

“Mm, do you wanna find out, daddy?”

“We’re not having sex,” Alastor laughed. “And do not under any circumstances call me ‘daddy’.”

Angel fake-gasped. “Not under  _ any _ circumstances? But what if someone’s pointing a gun at my head and the only way for him to let me go is for me to call you daddy?”

Alastor’s laugh grew louder. “Then I suppose you can just die.”

“ _ Rude! _ ” Angel punched Alastor in the shoulder. “I’ma hit the hay. You lemme know if you need anythin’, alright?” Alastor nodded. “Night, Al.”

“Goodnight, Angel,”

* * *

Angel was asleep in his car by the time they got to his house. Alastor had agreed to stay another night but he’d have to pick up a few things from his house first. Angel happily tagged along and had quickly drifted off to sleep in the car.

Alastor quietly got out of the car to pack a bag, and by the time he got back, Angel had woken up and looked groggily out the side window.

“Oh, there you are,” Angel said as Alastor got in the car.

As they made the drive back to Angel’s apartment, the spider demon began rustling through his glove compartment.

“What’s this?” Angel asked, holding up a tape. “You one of those guys who likes old fashioned taped music?”

Alastor glanced at the tape in confusion. “I’ve never seen that before.”

Angel shrugged. “Well, let’s play it then. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Angel pushed the tape into its slot. It took a moment of crackly silence before a voice cut through.

_ “Okay, Alastor. Tell me about Angel Dust,” _ Angel’s head immediately snapped up and suddenly he was fixing Alastor with an alert stare. Alastor was equally as confused.  _ “What was he like? What was your relationship like?” _

“Al, what the fuck is this?” Angel asked. “You pullin’ some kinda joke on me?”

“What?  _ No _ ,” before he could elaborate, Alastor’s voice came in loud and clear through the car radio.

_ “Well, when I first met him, he was a strange thing. I didn’t really understand him at first, to be honest. I don’t think anyone could. But as I got to know him, I got to know his beauty. And dear god was he beautiful. He was the kind of person that could take your breath away by simply casting you his gaze. I never met anyone quite like it,” _ Angel and Alastor sat in stunned silence as he drove.  _ “But along with his beauty, there was ugly. He thought that his entire life had to be controlled by his pimp, Valentino, that there was no escape, and any time I tried to tell him otherwise, he blocked me out --- wouldn’t even accept my help. Sometimes I thought he was being ungrateful, y’know? Once we really started fighting, he would throw things back in my face. Most often he would bring up our sexual life, or lack thereof. See, Angel thinks that his life needs to revolve around sex. He  _ uses _ that to get to other people. Without sex, it seems that Angel Dust would be nothing.” _

“I’m turning this off,” Alastor said, reaching for the button. When he looked at Angel he seemed furious, tears in his eyes.

“No! Leave it on, I wanna hear it.”

“I’m turning it off,” Alastor ejected the tape and pocketed it. “You shouldn’t be hearing this.”

Angel laughed sarcastically. “Like that wasn’t your intention. Seriously, Al, what is this? Your little ploy to get my attention? You don’t have to put me down like that, motherfucker, I already know my status as the whore who’s only good for sex.”

“You’re not a whore,” Alastor’s grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“Then why’d you say that?” Angel started pounding the dashboard with his fists. “Why the  _ fuck _ did you say that?”

“I didn’t, I swear!”

“Take me home.”

“What?”

“Take me home right fucking now. You’re gonna go back and I’m never gonna see yer stupid face ever again. You hear me?”

They were pulling up to Angel’s apartment now and Alastor didn’t know what to do.

“Angel-”

“That was a real stupid fuckin’ joke, Al,” Angel got out of the car and slammed the door shut enough to make Alastor flinch. He watched as Angel went inside and slammed the front door behind him as well.

Alastor didn’t know what to think --- that was  _ clearly _ his voice, but he was sure he hadn’t said anything of the sort, and he  _ definitely _ hadn’t known or had a relationship with Angel Dust before. He turned the tape over in his hands. On the back in small print was a small yellow sticker:  _ Dr. Adam Garcia. _

Adam Garcia . . . ? Well, it was worth a try.

* * *

Alastor looked Dr. Garcia up as soon as he got home. His company was the first thing that came up. Apparently he founded a new type of medical procedure here in Hell after having it shut down when he was alive. The procedure had to do with the erasure of memories.

He clicked on the  _ about _ section of the company’s website. The steps of the process were explained: first you would make an appointment, collect everything that is tied to a specific person, and bring it back to the lab. He’d ask you to tell him about that person, and it would be recorded on tape.

Recorded on tape.

_ Shit _ .

Even though everything was starting to piece itself together, the whole situation made absolutely zero sense. How could he have known Angel? How could they have been in a relationship?

How could he have felt anything for Angel when he barely even knew him now?

Alastor took the tape and studied it again. He grabbed his old tape recorder and inserted it, pressing play. The tape resumed from where it had left off.

_ “What was it about Angel Dust that has made you decide to come here today for the procedure?”  _ he heard Dr. Garcia ask.

_ “He did the exact same thing to me,”  _ Alastor said through the recording.  _ “He got me erased apparently, I don’t know why --- well I suppose I do, but it doesn’t make it any better. I never would have thought he’d do anything like that . . . I know I wouldn’t.” _

_ “But you’re doing it now.” _

_ “Only because  _ he’s _ done it to  _ me _. I didn’t ask for this. I can’t live without him if he can live without me.” _

* * *

Angel slammed the door behind him. He’d seen a lot of sick shit people were willing to do to get him to show a little more but this was just  _ fucked _ . He bet that Alastor wasn’t even a prude --- it was probably just a facade to get him interested. And he’d fallen for it so fucking quick.

_ Shit _ .

He fell back onto his bed, ready for a long nap. 

Something rigid poked him in the head. Angel groaned and grabbed his pillow. Underneath it was a small tape, identical to the one he had found in Alastor’s car. His stomach dropped.

Angel jumped off his bed and desperately searched for his radio. He found it sitting on a vanity next to his couch and fumbled with the recorder, finally pressing play.

There was some static before he heard a voice --- the same one he’d heard before.

_ “Angel, tell me about Alastor. What kind of person was he?” _

Holy fucking shit.

He heard himself laugh on the other end.  _ “He’s a stuck up asshole if that’s whatcha mean,” _ there was a moment of silence before he continued.  _ “Y’know, when ya first meet Al, he doesn’t seem like the clingy type, huh? But then as soon as you enter a relationship with ‘im, he acts like the clingiest, most self conscious bitch you’ll ever meet. An’ I’m the exact opposite. So I guess it didn’t really work out in the end.” _

_ “And how long were you together?” _

_ “Fuck, I dunno. Months? A year? Like I said, pal, I’m not the kinda guy to keep track of that sorta shit. I don’t care.” _

Even though he had no memory of the conversation, Angel knew he was lying. No, he didn’t act clingy --- in fact, he went out of his way to seem like he didn’t care, but with every relationship he’d had that was even remotely serious, he’d overthink everything. He always thought it was his fatal flaw.

_ “We just don’t mix well, y’know? He likes his sins old-timey, and I like mine, well, carnal; from the heart. At first I thought he was someone I could really love. Like  _ really _ , really love. I don’t think either of us was ready for it though.” _

Angel shut off the recorder. His mind was racing a mile a minute trying to comprehend what he had just heard combined with the day's events. Making up his mind, he pocketed the tape and grabbed his coat.

* * *

Alastor hadn’t even gotten through all of the tape before he heard a knock on his door. He forced himself off the ground where he had been sitting for the past ten minutes and answered it.

Alastor was surprised to see Angel, who looked equally as torn as he was standing outside his door, but he let him in anyway. The recording played in the background.

“Al --- I dunno, I don’t know what to do. I found one at my house and I listened to part of it. You weren’t lyin’ to me? Tell me this isn’t some elaborate fucked up joke right now, for the love of god, please.”

All Alastor could do was shake his head. Angel didn’t seem satisfied with the lack of response.

“So what’re we gonna do, huh?”

The recording continued playing:  _ “I loved him, I really did. And I didn’t want to let him go.” _

“Al, please,” tears were starting to well up in his eyes now, but Alastor couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

_ “Nothing he could say or do would make me let him go.” _

“Angel . . .” Alastor started.

_ “He made me want to explore parts of my life I didn’t even know existed.” _

Angel took a step closer.

_ “God knows we weren’t compatible. We weren’t made to work out.” _

He put his hand on Alastor’s shoulder, trying to give him some sort of comfort. Alastor embraced the touch and closed the distance.

_ “But dammit, I  _ loved _ him.” _

Angel kissed him, wrapping his lower set of arms around the other man’s waist, and to his surprise, he didn’t pull away.

_ “But he slept with too many people, he took too many drugs. He could be a real pain.” _

Angel groaned and broke the kiss to stomp over to the recorder. He aggressively hit the  _ stop _ button and walked back over to Alastor.

“Don’t you want to listen to it?” Alastor murmured.

“Nah,” Angel shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

“But-”

“Al, it doesn’t fuckin’ matter,” he exhaled, running a hand through his hair. “Look --- we clearly had something going on, and it clearly was good enough to last us a year. Sure, it ended, but all relationships are fucked up. The difference between the good ones and the bad ones are whether or not you can pull through afterwards.”

“But we didn’t. Angel, we  _ erased _ each other from our memories,” Alastor’s voice was faltering now.

“True. But by some cursed fucking miracle we found each other again. Don’t ya think that means something, Al?”

Alastor stepped closer. “I don’t want to hurt you. Even though I can’t even remember knowing you for that long, you’re precious to me.”

“And you will, Al. You’re gonna end up hurting me, and I’m gonna end up hurting you, but y’know what? We’re gonna get through it,” he smirked. “That is, if you’ll have me.”

“This isn’t going to work out in the end, Angel. You’re going to get bored of me, and I’m going to get jealous. Haven’t we already been through this?”

“Sure we will and sure we have. But that’s life, busta’, and the whole point of it all is having  _ fun _ . And you seem like plenty of it.”

Alastor sighed. “We really are cursed, aren’t we?”

“‘Course we are,” Angel chuckled. “Honestly, if we weren’t, I’d be worried.”

Alastor laughed and pulled Angel close. He had absolutely no idea where this relationship was headed, but after dropping Angel off, it felt like he was losing him a second time.

“Okay,” he whispered over the other’s shoulder.

“Okay?”

Alastor exhaled. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! If you enjoyed it, please comment and leave kudos! I always love reading what you guys have to say. :)


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